


the less we say about it the better

by meanderingsoul



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: F/M, Friendship/Love, Heavy Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Peace, Season/Series 07, Tenderness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-10
Updated: 2020-08-10
Packaged: 2021-03-06 05:22:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 823
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25817989
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/meanderingsoul/pseuds/meanderingsoul
Summary: This time was different than what little Phil remembered of the last time.
Relationships: Phil Coulson & Agents of SHIELD Team, Phil Coulson/Melinda May
Comments: 16
Kudos: 52





	the less we say about it the better

**Author's Note:**

> Now that I'm not quite so worried or even all that opposed to a scenario like this, I wrote the whole thing today. Bits of it had been in my head a while. No specific spoilers for season 7, but please mind the tags. -M

This time was different than what little Phil remembered of the last time.

Everyone was there for one. There wasn’t quite so much to grieve. There wasn’t any mission to rush off on, so they lingered a little more. It was nice to know where Mack and Elena were headed, nice to say the goodbyes to Fitz and Simmons he hadn’t really gotten to last time. Not the right way at least. It was nice to sit with Daisy for a while, just until it felt like time.

He’d insisted he hit the damn button himself, in privacy. Nobody needed to watch whatever stupid thing his face did when his brain shut off and the idea of Daisy or Fitzsimmons watching him die hurt on a level he didn’t really understand. Phil was pretty sure he’d made the same decision last time for similar reasons.

He was so tired. It was quiet in here and the room seemed big all of a sudden, the charge chamber far away on the other wall. But Phil was so tired. This whole time and he hadn’t been able to sleep.

The door opened behind him. It wasn’t supposed to yet, but May closed the door behind her without a word and turned to face him.

“May?” She still didn’t say anything, just watched him with a look on her face he didn’t really recognize.

“It’s ok,” he said. No matter what this was, it was going to be ok. They knew that now.

She hadn’t said much at the wake. This time it was pretty much a wake. A farewell. And there wasn’t any need really, they’d talked before. They’d said what needed saying between them and he was grateful for it.

But earlier she’d put her hand on his shoulder like she used to when he was upset, looked at him seriously for a long time. Phil had thought about leaning his forehead down to hers, kissing her cheek. He’d smiled at her instead.

Now May walked past him and sat down in the bend of the charging unit. Then she smiled up at him, just a little bit. “Sit?”

Sitting on the floor for this seemed as good an idea as anything else. He forgot about the button in his hand, sat down next to May with a sigh. Whatever she wanted to talk about, there was still time. He’d make time for this.

Phil wasn’t expecting May to turn to lean against the chamber wall, tug him sideways by the shoulders until he was almost laying on her, hip kind of awkward against the floor and her knee against his back.

With his head tucked under her chin he could hear her heartbeat steady. With the blank, white wall close to his face the room seemed small and quiet again.

May’s hand settled lightly on the back of his head. He felt her thumb rub his hair.

“This was how you went the second time. Seems right,” she said.

Her voice was calm. It calmed him down more than he could have guessed. 

“I really can’t imagine much of a better way to go,” Phil said quietly. He’d thought he was going to die chained to a wall and freezing a long time ago. He’d bled out mostly alone before. It didn’t get much better than painless in the arms of someone who loved you.

“Old and grey and in your sleep?” she said lightly, the teasing tone barely forced.

“I’ve already gone grey and I think I got old when I wasn’t looking. This’ll do.” Last time they’d argued about all this. He knew they had. This time she agreed with his choice; Phil could tell. She wasn’t tense against him and her slow heartbeat under his ear was lulling. He could almost, _almost_ feel drowsy.

Phil let his eyes shut. “What was it like?”

“Hm?”

“Tahiti. I’m never really going to see it, but... I also already did. What did I see?” That would be a nice thing to picture, just for a little while.

May snorted. “A whole lot of the inside of the beach house,” she said wryly.

Phil laughed despite everything. “That goes without saying.” They would have both enjoyed _that_ as much as possible. They weren’t stupid or anything.

Her fingers were still gentle on his hair. “We didn’t get around the island much. Napped drunk under palm trees more than a few times. Even the white sand could almost burn your feet in the middle of the day. Where we were at, the sunrise on the water always looked like gold...”

The button was still in his hand, half forgotten. Focused on her voice, he finally let his thumb press it.

The button didn’t click or anything, but Melinda felt him go still, felt him go limp and heavy against her chest. Stop breathing.

She still held him silently for a while, just like last time.


End file.
